This month is ending on a lot of sour notes, so excuse me while I vent. Being mentally tired is just as exhausting as being physically tired, sometimes even moreso.
Everytime I see him my whole demeanor changes. I get mad N depressed at the same time. I can honestly say I despise him with all my heart. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that you'd claim someone elses child but would B so quick to deny your own. N I wonder, maybe too much sometimes, what couldve been if everything had turned out as it shouldve. Next month wouldve been 3 months... Doesn't help that many of the things he used to do, she does. Irritates me to no end. But alas, its my fate.
My damn neighbors called the cops on my little sisters N my baby girl today, what stupid bitch goes out of her way to fuck with children?? She's gotten underneath my skin to the point that I knocked on her door N had a few choice words to say before she slammed the door like a coward. In as many apartments that we've lived in from FL to CA we've never had a problem with neighbors, EVER. So why now?? Cause she's a racist fat ass with too much damn time on her hands. Its fine though, first thing tomorrow I'm goin to the leasing office on that ass. She's got my mama stressin out about this, N its all pettiness.
I'm just so over everybody right now. Nothing is going right N I feel myself not holding back my anger. Hopefully things will look up soon. Like the much deserved raise I finally got at work, its good to know SOMEONE notices what I'm bringing to the table, not too much of that happening these days...
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Craziness
I'm kind of losing my mind, maybe its the lack of sleep that has me feeling a tad bit crazy.
Anywho, I wasn't in a good place yesterday. Madness took over the first couple hours of my morning N it slowly got worse till I was beyond irritated. The gf?? She helped as much as possible, unwillingly of course. But its cool, not everyone has my mentality when doing things for the ones they love. N besides, I ran into a few people who went outta their way to cheer me up, N my kids manners have improved so much during this 'Good Manners' week (didn't realize how much I love manners) that it brightened my day a bit.
(Sidenote: they keep telling me of all the improvements I've done N how much they're SO happy to have me, but they still won't give me my damn 3 months raise almost 6 months in. Not to mention IM the one doing the team leaders job half the time, but I'm not getting that raise either. Just a few reasons I think I hate my job.)
Change of subject. What do you do when you want to pursue something but so many other things get in the way?? I feel its inevitable N that I should continue my education this semester, but with minimum to no support I don't know. Let's just say the future looks scary from this point.
Okay, I've blogged enough for now. Hangin with my girls all day tomorrow, well, today really (excited) N takin down this hair, hopefully its grown some.
Anywho, I wasn't in a good place yesterday. Madness took over the first couple hours of my morning N it slowly got worse till I was beyond irritated. The gf?? She helped as much as possible, unwillingly of course. But its cool, not everyone has my mentality when doing things for the ones they love. N besides, I ran into a few people who went outta their way to cheer me up, N my kids manners have improved so much during this 'Good Manners' week (didn't realize how much I love manners) that it brightened my day a bit.
(Sidenote: they keep telling me of all the improvements I've done N how much they're SO happy to have me, but they still won't give me my damn 3 months raise almost 6 months in. Not to mention IM the one doing the team leaders job half the time, but I'm not getting that raise either. Just a few reasons I think I hate my job.)
Change of subject. What do you do when you want to pursue something but so many other things get in the way?? I feel its inevitable N that I should continue my education this semester, but with minimum to no support I don't know. Let's just say the future looks scary from this point.
Okay, I've blogged enough for now. Hangin with my girls all day tomorrow, well, today really (excited) N takin down this hair, hopefully its grown some.
Love & bisous,
~*Brown Sugar*~
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Friday, January 28, 2011
"Random Thoughts from Rose's Corner"
I wanna go to a jazz joint. Sip wine, sit back, relax.
I don't wanna become distant but I feel myself doing just that.
Why do I have to be so restless?? My break from school seems like a dead end, looking for online classes at a different college appeals to me more than it should.
My job kinda sucks but I love my kids, they make me happy while driving me insane. Finding a second job seems like a necessity but its so damn hard in this college town.
My anxiety isn't getting any better but I can control it now. Doesn't stop me from feeling overwhelmed all the time.
Guys are so dumb. My friends deserve so much better. I'm not a lesbian, I swear, cause I can't stop flirting with em. But geez, they (overall) make me mad.
I just wanna shop. Take a weekend off, go to ATL, N spend money I don't have.
Pretty sure retail therapy would calm my spirit, just a little...
I don't wanna become distant but I feel myself doing just that.
Why do I have to be so restless?? My break from school seems like a dead end, looking for online classes at a different college appeals to me more than it should.
My job kinda sucks but I love my kids, they make me happy while driving me insane. Finding a second job seems like a necessity but its so damn hard in this college town.
My anxiety isn't getting any better but I can control it now. Doesn't stop me from feeling overwhelmed all the time.
Guys are so dumb. My friends deserve so much better. I'm not a lesbian, I swear, cause I can't stop flirting with em. But geez, they (overall) make me mad.
I just wanna shop. Take a weekend off, go to ATL, N spend money I don't have.
Pretty sure retail therapy would calm my spirit, just a little...
*end rant*
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Monday, January 24, 2011
The Newest Edition
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Thursday, January 20, 2011
Random Randomness
So I wanted to post a blogpost but had absolutely nothing to say. So I decided to create a tumblr (random, I know). I guess I just want a site where I can write about whatever is on my mind without having to worry about language or someone being offended, I just needed a site strictly for me.
My life has gotten so offtrack I just sit back sometimes N wonder: what happened?? As of now, I'm taking a semester off from school, I was beginning to feel overwhelmed at all the work that was involved in all my major classes. I need to take some time for me, so yea. Hopefully I'll be ready to return in the Fall with a clear head N ready to concentrate on getting my degrees so (excuse my french) I can get the HELL up outta MTSU!!
N there you have it. My blogpost for the time being. I may post again today cause I have a few pics I wanna put up but I have to upload them from my phone first, N today is my lazy day.
Okay bye :)
Love & bisous,
~*Brown Sugar*~
My life has gotten so offtrack I just sit back sometimes N wonder: what happened?? As of now, I'm taking a semester off from school, I was beginning to feel overwhelmed at all the work that was involved in all my major classes. I need to take some time for me, so yea. Hopefully I'll be ready to return in the Fall with a clear head N ready to concentrate on getting my degrees so (excuse my french) I can get the HELL up outta MTSU!!
N there you have it. My blogpost for the time being. I may post again today cause I have a few pics I wanna put up but I have to upload them from my phone first, N today is my lazy day.
Okay bye :)
Love & bisous,
~*Brown Sugar*~
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Restless Late Nights
I'm so tired but I can't sleep, 7 hours by myself with the kids today equals a very stressful Rose.
Two little size 11 feet keep pressing into my back, she snores so loud for such a little person but she won't sleep with anyone else because she loves me so. Therefore I won't complain :)
Maybe if I drank some hot chocolate I could fall asleep quicker...
Love & bisous,
~*Brown Sugar*~
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Love Notes
Why do people celebrate Valentines Day? I mean, why can't we show our loved ones how much we love them more often than once a year?
Thought like this have been running through my head all day. Maybe cause its approaching and this will be the first time in my 21 years of life that I may get a chance to actually celebrate it with someone I love. Am I excited? Yea, but I'm trying to contain it :) but we aren't celebrating the normal way, of course not. The whole month leading up to the big day will be filled with trinkets and such. All things that make her feel special, things that show my love.
Day 1: Date night. Chinese buffet with a romantic feel= best combination ever. Chocolate filled heart, SpongeBob valentine, (she loves him a little too much lol) and a bear who ended up being called Randolph Spartacus apparently (what a name huh?)
Why go all out? Simply cause I love her. Love can make you do the darndest things ♥
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