"Random Thoughts From Rose's Corner"

SIDENOTE: I'm not really expecting this to be read, it's moreso a random ranting session that I had to get out lol. However if you feel like reading it N diving into the sweet mind of Brown Sugar, you are more than welcome :)



I must admit, I've come a long way when it comes to controlling my emotions, but at times my temper still seems to get the best of me. On those days, when I think about you N all the things we went through, I just want to lock myself in my room N sulk the day away. But what good will that do?? I'd rather B out N about, surrounded by the ones who bring me joy. Not as a distraction, but simply because I love them, N by their actions they have proven that they also love me. Actions speak so much louder than words EVER can, N one hug from that someone special makes me realize that I no longer have to cry. I don't have to shed any tears over the past, when I've got such an amazing future to look forward to.

But damn, it seems it's so hard to move forward when your past is steady staring you in the face. Out of sight, out of mind right?? Not quite that simple. So how bout I stitch up the hole in my heart N let somebody else in?? For a long time I was determined to lock my heart away, never give another a chance because it hurt oh so bad. But that's letting you have way too much control over me!! N that's a no-no right there. I deserve to B happy. N even though it's taken months for me to reach that conclusion, I see that now. I deserve to B loved. I deserve to B appreciated. I deserve someone who makes my heart smile, who cares enough to never want to make me cry. I deserve all of that N more.

I feel I've reached the point that I can finally start focusing on someone else N not worry about my past relationship N the effect it still sometimes has on me. I've come to terms with it, N for that I'm thankful. You live N learn. I've learn to not hold me tongue, to speak on a matter B4 it get's outta hand, I've learned to not B so hesitant when it comes to letting someone in. Not just anyone, of course. I've learned that expecting the worst can sometimes B the downfall of a relationship, you can't go into something expecting it to fail. I've realized that I can make someone happy simply by letting them know they've got a place in my heart, N I've learned that there are no boundaries when it comes to who I love. Never again will I limit myself to a "type" of person, as a good friend said, you could B passing up on that someone special because you're focused on a "type" of person. I've learned that arguing sometimes helps, but I try my best to avoid it. Lessons learned the hard way, but helpful nonetheless.

To end it all, I must say that it's not so much that I've changed. As a women, I've grown, matured in more ways than I thought possible. Mentally, I'm slowly losing my somber attitude, still trying to get back to my "happy-go-lucky" attitude, but I feel that I will never fully get that back. So I find comfort in the little things that make me happy, N go from there. Emotionally, well, I'm still working on that. I'm content with myself, I love and embrace who I am as a person. I love those dear to me hard, cause you never know what tomorrow may bring. I'm trying to B a positive role model for my baby girl, N my views about many things have... broadened, for lack of a better word. I find joy in spending quality time with myself (when I can lol), overall I've become a better person. So no, I haven't changed, but I've evolved. Evolution is key for the path I'm taking, nobody's perfect but forever will I strive to make myself better so I can be the best I can be. :)

Love & bisous,

~*Brown Sugar*~