"Unspoken Thoughts"

"Lend me your ear, sit back, take a listen
While I try to explain the way you make my heart quicken
How making you smile is making me fall so hard
How is it that you can just come in and knock down all my guards??
Honestly, for you I wouldn't mind Cupid's love game
And it soothes my soul to know you feel the same
Right now, if you asked, I'd give you the world,
How ecstatic I'd be if I could be called your girl.
Your terms of endearment give me such a warm sensation,
This feeling is of major proportion, of such a huge calibration.
At times, I wish I could fully call you mine
But for now, you belong to me, if only in my mind
Can I have all of you, right here, right now, for the night??
'Cause when I'm with you, it all feels so right...
Don't worry, I promise I'm one you can trust,
Never would I betray you, I care way too much.
I tried to come into this with 'no expectations, no disappointments'
To no avail, with you I feel only contentment.
I enjoy this feeling, the feeling that you care
To the point that my heart to you, I would bare.
So many things about you that I cherish,
From your laugh to your attitude to your company, which I relish.
Real talk, I could be your ride or die
But we don't necessarily have to be like Bonnie N Clyde.
See, that term seems so damn cliche'
And doesn't even begin to encompass the way...
That I feel about you.
Man oh man, all the things I'd do,
Go over and under, above and beyond
To make sure that pretty face is never graced with a frown.
That's not quite it, but for now you've seen
Just how much of an effect you have on me..."

-Brown Sugar©

"Untitled"

"I swear, I was set against this,
Against this happening again...
That statement holds no conceit,
I'm being genuine, ready to admit defeat.
After having to deal with so much deceit,
The lies, the games, the tears, the pain,
I vowed NEVER again would I give in.
Never would I put myself in such a predicament...
Well here we are again.
I'm right back where my last began...
Do I wanna do this??
Do I wanna be here??
Most importantly, do I wanna fall for you??...
I don't wanna play the fool,
But I think I'm there,
At the point where I'm bound to fall
But I'm afraid to give my all
'Cause I don't want us to get burned...
I can't help but wonder, can't help but spin the scenario
Of what would happen between us two, if I were to fall in love with you??..."

-Brown Sugar©

"Fallin'"

"Pay attention to the whispered advances,
Indulge with me in erotic dances.
I must admit, I do like participation,
How far will this go, this infatuation??
I'm stuck in a place of no return, but I ain't complainin'
'Cause where my heart's residing now, I wan YOU to be stayin'.
I think I should let it be known
That when it's time for me to leave you, I don't wanna go.
Tell me baby, what am I supposed to do??
I know it sounds redundant but I swear, I think... I'm addicted to you.
I can be your sunshine after the rain,
N I promise to try my hardest to ease ya pain
I admit, I'm fallin', straight fallin', N I gotta say,
As of now, your love is all I wanna gain..."

-Brown Sugar©

"Fantasy"

"Baby, take my hand in yours
Deep breath, relax, just let me explore...
I know your body's yearnin', cravin' my touch
I want to hear you ask for the thing you want so much
Do you want me to start off slow,
Or do you want me to go real fast??
Do you want me down below??
Just some questions I would ask...
I want to bask in your presence,
I'd love to breathe in your essence,
I'll make your body react in such a way
That for days you'll be thinkin' bout our escapade.
Not meaning to be rude, don't wanna seem mean,
But I'm on a mission baby, and that's to hear you scream...
My name, as loud as you possibly can,
As I work wonders on you with my mouth, body and hands.
Take it baby, work it baby,
That way you puttin it down is drivin' me crazy.
Imagine how much better this could be
If I gave my all to you, and you gave your all to me.
I'll make you one promise, see,
I'll be the one who will fulfill all your fantasies ;)"

-Brown Sugar©

"In The End"

"I know we've had this conversation many times before
But that doesn't stop the questions knocking at the door
What's the point in holding back when...
I know I'll be fallin' for you in the end??
I don't need a title but I wanna be more than just friends
Where will this all lead, in the end??
Do you realize how much I cherish the times we share??
When I sleep alone at night, how bad I want you there??
I left my heart at the door, without reason I left it there,
'Cause now all I wanna do is show how much I care...
The more of you I get, the more of you I want,
I'm fiendin' for your love like a kicker needs a punt.
It doesn't matter where we're at, doesn't matter where we've been,
All that I'm worried about is where we'll be... in the end."

-Brown Sugar©

"The End Of A Bruised N Broken Chapter"

"Everyday that goes by, my future's getting clearer,
What we had before is dim like fading pictures.
And although the memories remain,
I can now accept that you & I will no longer be the same.
Who's to blame??
This question will forever rack my brain,
As well as many others that are in the same frame.
I've come to terms with the fact that our chapter is done,
After too many nights of crying alone.
Sometimes I take a minute, sit and look back
On our very final act
And my emotions start to take over...
Can't say I don't miss you as a lover,
But whatever,
Can't dwell on that section forever.
Is it wrong to think of you as the clouds that blocked my sun's rays??
And now that you're out of the way,
I can fully enjoy a brighter day.
As I write this, raindrops fill my windowpane
And yes, it does reflect an inner pain.
My heart is having the hardest time laying you to rest
But I must ignore it's cries, right now it's second best.
You see, my head makes sense when it states that if I never let you go
The joys of another I'll never know...
So I bid you adieu, farewell, goodbye,
From this bruised and broken heart of mine."

-Brown Sugar©

"Untitled"

"I have no idea what I'm doing

When it comes to you...

My instincts tell me to slow it down

Don't wanna be played like a fool.

But I'm feeling otherwise.

Let's have some QT

Followed by some R&R

With a whole lotta TLC

Leave all emotions at the door

Throw caution to the wind

Forget all about your inhibitions

Give me all, even if it's just for the moment

And I'll do the same

Let's make things clear, 

I don't have time for games

Take things as they come

But please try not to quickly fall

Cause I don't think I'm quite ready

To answer such a serious call..."

-Brown Sugar©

"Untitled"

"I don't wanna make the same mistake

You know, fall so quick

Naw not this time around. But I swear

The more R&R and TLC given

Brings me closer to giving... in

Don't fret, no sweat, make ya body wet...

Give ya mind a bit of foreplay,

No emotion-teasing over here

I wanna make love to ya mind before ya body

Don't turn me down, take a minute,

Entertain me...

I don't wanna dive right in

Although I'm so close to giving in

I refuse, I refuse...

If it happened, what would I do??"

-Brown Sugar©

"ForePlay"

---> Short, sweet, N simple... Enjoy.

"Caress me with your words

Stimulate my mind with images unheard

Show me tender loving care

Let my heart know you'll always be there

Slowly dig deeper into my thoughts

Open up to me so we can beat the odds

Take your time, please take you time

Fill me up with inspiration from your mental

Penetrate my senses, slowly but surely

Let's connect, mind and soul, you and me

Before it gets physical, I gotta say

'Let me introduce you to some REAL foreplay...'"

-Brown Sugar©

WHAT...THE...FUCK??

Ok. I'm sorry, I know I haven't been on here for a minute. But 1st things first. Seeing as I am no longer in a relationship, I have to say, alot of single people are bitter as HELL. Me, on the other hand, I'm not bitter, not a tad bit. I just don't give a fuck. Why?? Well, that's a whole other story for another day.
Now I gotta say, muh heart is most definitely filled with hate. Yea, that's a strong word, but it's oh so very true. But you have to understand, this hate has many aspects to it, I'm not just a hateful person. But when someone pushes me to that point?? Yea, there's no going back. So let's examine these aspects. 1) I hate, hate, HATE the fact that I let muh guard down for someone who sure as HELL didn't appreciate it and took full advantage 2) I hate the fact that muh heart still has ANY sort of emotions when it comes to that same someone, and 3) I hate that I got fucked over so many times by someone who promised me the complete opposite.
The other day, someone mentioned that they did not understand why I harbor such disdain for muh ex. Muh answer was "You just don't understand the bullshit he put me through". Well, if I don't talk about it, it will just marinate inside, correct?? So I think it's about that time to let it all out...

I've never regretted ANYTHING, I repeat, ANYTHING in life.
I take everything as it comes, turn it into a lesson learned.
N that's fine.
But when it comes to YOU, YOU, YOU...
YOU I just don't know...
I'm not gonna say YOU stole muh soul
But dammit, sometimes thats what it feels like.
Hell yea it hurts.
All the lies, all the games.
While you're sitting here trying to pin it all on me,
Lets examine YOUR faults, shall we??
Where to begin, so I can get to where it all ends...
First there was D.R. (no names need be said for you to recall)
That situation was just the first of MANY
Who else, who else?? As I remember there was an X.G.,
Oh, N don't forget the biggest of them all,
"Smashed the homies!!" should be this bitches theme song
Lied to you, played you MANY MANY times...
Well damn, never mind, no WONDER you're still cool
You did the same to me, played me for a fool
SMH I was stupid as hell to EVER believe you
To EVER believe IN you
To EVER trust you
To EVER have trust IN you
To give myself to you...
Stupidity. Just alot of that goin around huh??
Damn shame.
Oh, but let's press on.
Paranoia. Paranoia caused you to accuse me, your girlfriend,
Your 'wife-to-be' (SMH yea right)
Accuse me of 'offing' you.
What kind of boyfriend goes days without
Talking to their 'significant other'??
What kind of person goes out of their way
To hurt the person they 'love'
Because they find the tiniest thing
Offensive??
What kind of person are you??
So quick to judge.
So quick to point fingers
So quick to blame it all on me...
Who the FUCK are you??
Many many nights I cried alone in bed
Over stupid petty shit you'd pull
So much stupid petty shit...
Yea, I remember it ALL.
Do you remember??
Remember.
Remember crying on my shoulder??
Mostly over HER,
How she kept fuckin wit your head...
Remember sharing my bed??
Remember making pointless, pointless plans
That would just be void in the end??
Do you remember??
Don't try to pin this shit on me.
Fuck that.
All respect I've had for you is GONE.
Won't apologize or own up to when you're wrong.
Why the FUCK would I want to put you there again??
As if I didn't see the pain it caused the FIRST time around
WHY THE FUCK would I even care
To put you in such a position that you've been in before??
WHY THE FUCK do I STILL care??
Care enough to spare ya fuckin feelings??
Fuck that shit. Fuck it ALL.
I REFUSE to fall in to your bullshit again.
I REFUSE.
I was stupid N naive the entire time I was with you
Well now it's time to grow the fuck up
Unlike your 'first' lil bitch,
I won't welcome you back with open arms.
HELL no.
I'm moving on. Without you.
Thinking back, I don't know WHY, WHY the HELL did I stick around??
Oh, haha, that's right.
This stupid little thing called my heart.
Never again.
Thanks again.
You've fucked me up so bad,
But you've also fucked me over for the last time.
Yes, I gave up the epitome of 'us',
How could I stand to stare it in the face??
Yes, YOU pushed me to this point in muh life.
I hope ya next gal fucks with you completely
Physically, mentally, emotionally,
Up, over, and around again
And maybe THEN you'll know,
Maybe THEN you'll feel
HALF of the fucked up things you've done to me...